happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
