Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think your dad took our porno
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
