I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
