I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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