Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
