My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Holy sore nipples Batman
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
