i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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