My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
