Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ttyl tear gas
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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