M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize