remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
