my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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