you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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