That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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