then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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