I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to make out with him forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
