My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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