This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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