It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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