At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
