I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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