Define "chronic" masturbator.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
