I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
