Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
