made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
