I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
