YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
