ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
