im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
