Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
