I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
