Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize