youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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