I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize