I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
