he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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