her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ttyl tear gas
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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