Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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