brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
