Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
