May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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