I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
