once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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