Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
