Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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