What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
