Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
