im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
