Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
