i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
