I CAN MOONWALK!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
