A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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