Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
