just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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