eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
