yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He? As in you personified your dick?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
