if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
