i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
