hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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