apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
