all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
