I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
try to milk me bitch
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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