we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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