he puts the penis in happiness.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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