Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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