Apparently you make a good broom.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
