I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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