Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
