So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
