so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
