i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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